I think that I'm holding a grudge against myself because of my recent blow up so I needed a little punishment. I had nice trade in the direction of trend. Then I tried to pick a bottom which didn't play out well. With averaging and not letting myself to close in a loss I managed to make healthy loss.
-54 pips
I had a hard time closing third trade in a loss when it spiked up just after my entry. Eur/gbp changed direction so it was low probability staying in that trade.
Pips are of October size, smaller but very big leverage considering current account size.
+20 pips
First thank you all on your comments of support.
This is my YTD performance and it drove me mad few times. Well I drove myself mad with doing mad things in the first place.
This time blow up really surprised me, I wasn't expecting something like this lately. I had very good run and without for me before usual averaging. I was only thinking how much further into positive side can I move account in two months that are left in the year.
After first blow up in the beginning of the year, three times I approached break even and then ensued new big and fast loss.
Problems with trading on positive side is something very subjective and individual to me. I believe that I had blow up because of feeling uncomfortable being on the positive side. Don't ask me why I feel that way, or I felt that way. It's up to me to clear that out however odd does it seems to feel it.
I lost -40% today. Something is really flawed with my attitude regarding trading and money. You can understand that I don't want to talk about it so probably I will not respond to comments. My account dropped little bit below level where it was this summer. This is biggest loss of money with trading I ever had. So all work in last two months is now gone. With first of this month I was at break even for the year and this week I gained 7.5%. It seems that whenever I get back to my starting point I make sure to quickly lose as much as I can. I played that game few times this year. It's like I want to lose. Also it seems to me that I don't value money gained by trading as real value. I guess that deep down I believe this is not work but gambling. I don't know, I'm just thinking out loud.
Funny thing is that I was really on good track last two months. I was thinking that I finally moved away from problems. Well little averaging yesterday was first sign of trouble. You can't run from yourself. If you have problems or issues they will find a way out and materialize themselves. If you are alcoholic it doesn't matter for how long you are sober you are always one drink away from abyss.
Pretty much mediocre trading today. Market wasn't in break out mode but something different. I'm not comfortable trading from retracement and that was game today. So I would go long when the move is near end, then wait out through retracement to get some tiny profit. On my third trade I had to close in a loss because news time was approaching. After the news I tried to be "creative" with 1/3 trades. I was lucky that market continued my way.
After all I had to be more "creative" and short gbp/jpy. O.k if I short it with 1/3 but when I add one more it's so close to full size in the most volatile pair. Very bad trading on idea that some resistance trendline from 4h time frame is on. Again some luck with really hitting resistance on usd/jpy and eur/gbp so I could close those two shorts profitable. I could get really burned. That 1/3 game would just lead me in averaging problems.
If there isn't trade that I like or market isn't suitable for me, well just don't trade.
+9 pips
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